A Play in One Page
by S. Jonathan Cornus
Setting: Exam_nation, where the students are always preparing for tests from the College Bored, routinely sacrificing blood and treasure.
Figure 1- Inspiration: A sign in a Chinese medicine hospital
Costumes: Students all wear T-shirts with Sisyphus pushing his pebble up a molehill.
Voltaire (a ghostly apparition): What is the best of all possible worlds?
Playdough (a famous student): I get a 5 on my AP European History exam.
Wythe (a famous teacher): Would you like to know something?
Playdough: I do know something! The answer is either A, B, C, or D.
Wythe: Sometimes it equals E, Einstein (sarcastically).
Playdough: I got 23 of 50 questions on my practice test.
Wythe: Is that good?
Playdough: They will give me another test today. Maybe I will get 24. Tomorrow maybe I can get to 50%. It is April 6. Maybe by Fri, May 6, 2022, 8 AM Local time I will get to 50 out of 50 even with a couple of setbacks.
Wythe: Then you will know everything. Our work will be done. We can stop doling out advice; you can stop coming to class. You can be “out to lunch” all the time. The mask will fall away and we will see Wisdom.
Playdough: The other teachers tell me that the AP exams are really important. I even found an article on ThoughtCo, which is a fact-checked and reputable site. It says they are important. (earnestly)
Wythe: The AP Courses are really important.
Playdough: You cannot have one without the other.
Wythe: Does your AP Environmental Science course have at least 25% of the time spent in the laboratory or doing field work?
Playdough: Of course not. Nobody in Exam nation follows that Rx. But I think I might only get a 4.
Wythe: What college-level textbook are you using?
Playdough: I have European History for Dumases and something from the College of NJ Review. It is a bit dated, but most of European history happened before it was printed so I figure it is all right. Exam nation does not allow foreign textbooks any longer so I Bing a lot of stuff.
Wythe: No sense Bing-ing it. You should take a look at Gibbons’ six volumes. Then you will be excessively well-prepared for the Fall.